Me and panic, or should that be panic and I, are on first name basis. I can panic about loads of stuff, I guess that everyone must be the same.
I pull out of a junction and I don’t see a car – a close shave… Or take yesterday. I decided to take my pup for a walk. I don’t walk her loads because she has the run of a half an acre. Mostly I let her go where she wants so she never ‘needs’ a walk. But there are times when we both want one.
Yesterday was one of those days.
So I popped her lead on and we were gone. I had a water bottle with me and some poop bags. But apart from that it was just me and the dog. I normally would have thrown her in the car and driven up to Cors Caron but there have been a number of Adder bites reported. I didn’t fancy coping with that for me or my dog. So I decided to do the ‘block’.
I live very rural. So the block is a three mile trek on the small roads that can at times be a climb and a downfall slalom. Think Welsh mountain roads. But one of the roads is the main trunk road to and from the largest town in the area. It is busy. I picked the quietest time but still I was caught out.
Me and Meg had just crossed the road when I saw a car carrying two older woman. When I say saw I mean they were 3 metres away from hitting me. I’m not sure how fast they were going but I had just glanced at the corner they came around and they hadn’t been there. What I had been worried about were the two cars coming behind us. They were large, loud and moving too fast. I heard them before they saw me so I’d taken avoiding action. The car in front of me was one I hadn’t counted on.
Panic shot through my system.
“Wait,” I said to Meg and she immediately put her bum in the hedge and sat there looking at this car.
Thankfully they had managed to stop but for that split second I saw an end… And end that would have happened only 500 yards away from my home. Panic hit and I felt everything. The lead in my and and the bag on my shoulder. The sun hitting my head and warming my back. The slight ache in my legs and the small headache that I was hoping the walk was going to eradicate. And for that moment I understood who I was.
Then time restarted and the two cars shot past me. The two ladies swung around me and Meg, and waved. I couldn’t help it – I waved back.
The panic had passed leaving me a little breathless and weak legged. I didn’t stop though. I finished my walk and decided that I shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. I almost died yesterday and yes I panicked but right now I am fine and I have made myself a promise.
To live life.
A simple 3 world mantra. But I’m not going to worry about money or relationships or anything I can’t do a damn thing about. If money and love happens then I will grab it with both hands but otherwise I intend to live and smile. To pass the panics that happen and just be me.
Because I can guarantee there will be more panics.