At first I noticed a few slime trails on the carpet. But after a time I realised that the small creature was still around. The trails went from my dog’s chews, to the door and to my desk.
Not the computer desk but the drawing desk.
I was happy to let my snail be.
It didn’t help that because of a painful foot I hadn’t cleaned for a while. I mean I’m not really dirty but you can see crumbs and leaves blown in from the outside. So I left it. I let my snail pet co-exist with me.
Then I checked on the unit yesterday.
I guess the snail had hit teenage years… Because he had tracked across my desk in a rampant disregard of paper and wood. I thought it was funny at first. Then I noticed my picture.
I’ve been working on it for a while but I noticed something different about the picture. There appeared to be a hole in it.
“Yeah, right…” I said
But as I picked it up I found that it had been eaten through. My snail has ruined a drawing…
This drawing is no more. I was further forward, but it had now been scraped.
And my snail?
Well I found him on the wall and evicted him. There are now a few slug pellets down. And I just have to catch up and start the drawing again.
Sometime it hits me. Then I notice that it has been building up slowly until I am overwhelmed. Normally it happens when I am stressed and worried. It never happens when I feel happy and secure, but I guess that is to be expected.
So, at the moment I’m going through a massive amount of doubt. I doubt that I will finish the book (there is only half a chapter to go), I doubt that I will make any money, I doubt that anyone will want to read it, I doubt that I can draw…
Well, you get the idea.
I don’t know whether it is simply because I am stressed but it has hit hard the last couple of days. I have been trying to sort out broadband and a new hub and it has left me with a stress headache and a glum feeling.
It is all sorted now but it hasn’t been plain sailing.
So I have had to force myself to sit and work. It hasn’t been easy. Especially when I find myself doubting whether my writing is any good.
My editor tells me that it is, but I can’t help but wonder.
Anyhow, I know I will snap out of it. I have to. Now that everything is sorted I expect to be back to my normal bouncy Kate before long and once I get there all the doubts will have disappeared. Until then I will continue to squeeze blood from a stone.
I have an idea what this is. I understand the concept but it never happens. First off you end up looking at your work but then life springs up to hits you in the face.
I had to go shopping for the business. So, I was about to walk out the door when Mum yelled at me to get something else. That is fine. The shop is only a few minutes down the road. So I go there first.
I leave and then go to the original shop I needed.
The thing I want isn’t in stock. Won’t be until Saturday or next week. So I sigh, order it and come home.
I get home and it is lunch time. I have lunch. Then the tires arrive for the garden. (We are using tractor tires to plant pumpkins in this year). So they need moving.
Which we do with lots of laughter and fun.
But suddenly I am sat at the computer and ready to work.
My work life balance isn’t working. As far as I can tell I am living more than working.
I think that ought to be the way around it. I just have to work at odd times to make up for it. That I can do. Now though I think I’ll go fill those tires with manure and get the pumpkins in…
Not in the business or the writing, but in life. You see yesterday a takeaway owner was convicted of manslaughter for selling a nut laced curry. He had told the client that there were no nuts. It was covered in nut powder. The guy ate the curry and died. He had a nut allergy.
I have a nut allergy.
It is pretty much like Russian roulette with food when I eat out. I have to trust the cook. It is scary.
Most of the time they are good. I walk out completely fine.
Once I reacted. It was a small reaction but I ended up on medication for 24 hours.
So, this conviction has part of me happy and smiling. Part of me is worried. You see most restaurants are good. You walk in and ask for the allergy book. (If they look at you with a blank expression – run.) By law every restaurant in the UK has to have one. If they don’t then they don’t know what they are cooking with. It is the hidden nut that is the killer. But this is going to make eating out difficult. I have a feeling that some restaurants are simply going to turn me away. I am too much of a risk.
But at least they will care. They are going to be forced to.
It’s a good thing but I worry. On saturday I am going out with my family for a meal. Now I know I just ate with the restaurant in question two days ago, but I am afraid that they won’t serve me.
It is a scary prospect. Firstly to eat out and then to disappoint your family because you get turned away.
Yep, The last one is finished and because it is going for a competition I’m afraid that it is hidden until they accept or decline it.
So… on to the next. This one I searched everywhere of the canvas. It has a 7.4 cm depth! That means that the picture really will wrap around the canvas and I can’t wait to get started.
No I just have to work out the maths to bend the Bristol board… Wish I’d paid better attention in school. I can even remember asking the teacher what the point was because there was no way I’d ever need to know how to make a cube.