I am trying…
It is hard. The worst of my fears is success. I have always been afraid of it. In fact, in the past I could even say I have sabotaged my own work in order not to succeed.
Maybe it’s the Aspergers… Or maybe it is just fear, plain and simple.
I hate change and I have a feeling that change is coming.
I know it’s coming because I am making it happen. I’m entering a local art competition and the theme is ‘Myself’. I have to draw myself. And it has made me look at my self image. I want to say no. I want to stop, but I have to carry on. I have got to finish otherwise I may never exhibit. But it is hard.
If I succeed then people will look at me. Not a flattering photo, but the me that gets scared in crowds and the me that can try to hide because people are staring.
Because my fear is… me. I am scared people won’t like me… And I’m tired of it. So I have decided that I’m going to step out of my comfort zone and take my fear face on.
The first is the art competition. I’m entering a straight portrait and then something a little different.
The second is a memoir… A snapshot of my life. Not sure where to take it but I will. In fact I am starting the notes today. What about the other book? Well, that is being written as well, I just have to do this. Otherwise I can see me writing and not publishing or drawing and not exhibiting. I have to face my fears. Otherwise I am afraid that I will be writing and drawing in my little workshop without getting much done.
So here goes – instead of hiding in a dark cave I’m going to get out there. I’m going to draw and I’m going to write and I will take any opportunity that comes along. Even if it means leaving my ‘safe zone’.
The daily prompt has asked if you could be famous for a day what would you be? Right at the moment I’d probably hide, but soon I hope I would smile and just be myself.