I have to believe that I will be a writer. It is the ‘thing’ I love doing and it keeps me sane, but I am up against the same problems as everyone else.
There is the ever increasing doubt whether I’m good enough and the thought that my dreams are too far. Sometimes a small voice talks to me telling me that I am reaching too far. That my dreams are unreasonable. But another voice says that I won’t know unless I try. That voice is sometimes louder than the other, but sometimes it gets drowned out. It is at those times, when pessimism raises its ugly head, that I am at my lowest.
“Why do I bother?”
Is the normal question I ask my reflection. And the reason I ‘bother’ has to be because this is what I want to do. No, that’s not right… This is what I have to do.
I HAVE to write.
But it is hard. I mean, there are so many writers out there. And writing isn’t an easy option. It takes research and dedication. And there are my ‘special’ abilities. I know that dyslexia helps with the creativity but it also puts a number of hurdles in place.
On top of that I have just been re-tested and it turns out that I am a complex person. My dyslexia has grown horns, notably aspergers and dyspraxia. I’d heard of aspergers but dyspraxia… Um… What’s that then?
Except, as I was writing the first story after my ‘new’ diagnosis I realised that is didn’t matter. All it did was give me a label. I’m still the writer I was two weeks ago, I haven’t suddenly grown the horns, they have always been there. So my issues are still the same. The good news is that now there are other coping strategies to learn, ones that will make some issues I thought unavoidable, … well … avoidable. So hopefully my writing is going to get better.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
So I still believe I will be a writer, because that is what I am.
It works the same with the drawing… I just know I’m an artist. The only challenge is that I have to sell myself – a whole different problem… But one I will do and succeed, because…
I am a writer and an artist.
This post was inspired by the daily prompt – reason to believe.