Addiction

Most people wouldn’t see this as an addiction. I mean food can’t hurt, can it?

It can and it does.

Addiction to a certain type of food, in my case caramel and chocolate, can make your life a living hell. Imagine cigarettes are good for you, imagine that they were part of something bigger that kept you alive and now imagine that you were told that the particular cigarette you wanted was killing you and you had to stop. Except that the cigarette was everywhere and people even advertised that you could smoke it at a discount price. Buy one get one free!

How long would your will power last?

What lengths would you go to get away from that cigarette?

There is nowhere in the world you can go that doesn’t have chocolate. True, it may be available in less quantities elsewhere, but it is still there.

I do try. I am over-weight and I need to lose it. But I have an addiction.

It comes discounted and there is normally a whole isle in the supermarket just for chocolate. A whole isle. Not a little bit but masses. All sorts of chocolate. But it doesn’t end there. You can get it in buns, flavoured cereal, as a drink, on flapjacks… I could carry on but you must know. Every time you shop the sweet stuff is given pride of place with colourful packaging that yells ‘buy me’.

Go low fat! I hear you say. But that won’t work. It is sugar that is my poison and low fat means less fats and more sugars. Don’t believe me? Go look. It’s on the ingredients list. Remember those are printed with the most first.

They even put sugar on chips… It makes them crispy.

I thought it was just chocolate but I don’t like dark chocolate, in fact it can trigger a migraine. White chocolate I can eat by the bucket load. It is sugar that I am addicted to.

Stop! You cry.

But an addiction come with withdrawal, even when it is sugar. I get the shakes, headaches, cravings, my mood becomes black and I am generally hard to live with.

The answer? I manage my addiction. I eat sugar and sugary treats but not in quantity. I don’t touch drinks with sugar in them. I don’t eat processed food as far as I can help it. I limit my exposure. But I can’t stop.

My will power is not strong enough. So I suppose I will continue to eat the very thing I know is bad for me. My addiction. My sweet heaven and hell. I will play to diabetes lottery and yo-yo with my weight and hate myself for doing it.

Maybe one day I will quit. Maybe one day I will have to. But for now I will manage it. I will give myself a sugar budget and not beat myself up if I use it. If I continue to decrease and maybe in time I won’t need that chocolate bar. Maybe.

This post was inspired by the daily prompt – pour some sugar on me.

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13 thoughts on “Addiction

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