From the daily prompt of – Can’t Get Enough
I have one thing that I am finding difficult to give up – money. Now I work as a self-employed toy-maker but due to my eyes not working great I am giving it up…
Except I’m not.
Oh, don’t get me wrong I have excellent intentions… But when the orders come in I find myself taking on a few. I shouldn’t. I should be looking after my sight and increasing my writing portfolio but I then start worrying about that thing you can’t do without – money.
If I am as frugal as a frugal thing, I have money saved to enable me to write for a few months without worrying, but still I have a nagging voice in my head.
“What if this is the last time to make money…” it whispers all day.
It wears me down. So I am having to wean myself off the toys. Wean myself away from saying yes and toward saying no. Trying to stop the tired eyes and headaches.
But it is hard. I am pinning my hopes on a dream and I live in the real world, the one outside my window. The one that doesn’t have happy endings and no one rides off into the sunset. So I am hoping that my dream will mean I can make money at writing.
Of course I have a secret – I think it is working. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have the elusive book contract or movie deal, but in small ways money is starting to flow. I can do freelance and make money that way. Or I can write my own work and try to find a publisher. It is possible. It has to be.
Once the toys are gone there is no back up plan. If I fall after I have given up the ‘toy-maker’ title I will fall and it will hurt. But I have to believe. Every time I get something accepted I think I am closer, and every time the writing is refused I don’t think of it as a sign, but as a prod to try harder.
So I will write and I will give it a go. Maybe it will work and maybe it won’t. But I want to say in old age – I tried. Instead of – if only.