This make a cold shiver up and down my spine. Truly I am my own worst enemy.
I am lucky in the fact that a lot of people look at my work due to the dyslexia. It will get a proofread at the very least. So I am not alone with my work. If I were it might be a different story.
It’s a feedback loop that you can’t get out of:
You write a piece and think it is great, then you leave it a day or so, you read it. You throw it from you in horror. Something has happened and in the last couple of hours or days the writing has become clumsy and not what you thought it was. You cry. Then you show someone else and they like it.
But all I see are the clumsy sentences and the words that are so simple. I am not a literary writer, I just don’t write like that but sometimes what I think is a good piece of my writing, I find dull and unexciting.
But, and this is huge, if I correct the mistakes and send it out – then it has a 20% chance of being published.
My problem – I am too harsh a critic of my own work. My head is looking for perfection but my heart just wants to tell a good story. So I meet the two in the middle. I write as well as I can and try not to evaluate it to death and then, even if I think it may not be finished, I’ll submit it. Oddly though it isn’t the perfect ones that get published but the ones that I write with passion.
It is that passion I try to put into each story. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I do have a drawer of stories that I don’t think cut it…
What helped me get over seeking perfection was the word-a-day challenge. I had to write a story a day so there was no time to work on it. I wrote it, then a quick proof read and then published on the blog. They are all good stories, and enjoyable to read even if they aren’t perfect.
The other thing is that being a dyslexic I find that I expect my work to be less than others. When I get published I find that I talk the effort down in public… It’s odd that I can self-evaluate a piece of work so stringently but when one story does get somewhere I down-talk the achievement.
It’s a problem and one I don’t know what to do about…