Aspirations

You know I had to look this word up – don’t get me wrong I knew it but I just didn’t ‘know’ exactly what it meant. So now I know that it is what I want for my future – or rather what are my dreams, even if they are unrealistic…

So here are my dreams… To become a bestseller and sell one or two books as movie rights…

But is this so unrealistic. I mean I know that the odds aren’t good and if I had betting odds I wouldn’t risk any money. In other words my chance is slim… Except I have had a few bits published and whenever I get really despondent something happens to make me think – yeah, I can make it.

The other day I was really depressed. My dissertation had hit a stumbling block and I couldn’t work out where is was going or how I was going to get there. Basically every doubt you can have about your writing hit me in one fell-swoop and I was depressed; ready to give it all up. I was going to my weekly dyslexia support with the university where I knew that my tutor would pat my hand and make it all better – or put a band-aid on my fears, when I was stopped going into the cafe. Stopped by an editor and publisher.

“What are you writing?” she asked, and I mumbled about my dissertation, which is a crime/horror book.

“Oh, are you not writing a child’s book?”

She asked this because I did some courses with her before the MA and I had a number of ideas for children’s books.  So I say – yes, that I’d been playing around with an idea…

And she listens, stood outside a cafe, both of us becoming late. Then she says, “Finish it and make an appointment and I’ll have a look.”

Then she wanders off. I wonder if she knew how pivotal that conversation was. Anyhow I walked into the cafe, got out the dissertation and started scribbling. Then when I got home I planned out the child’s book. Suddenly I knew what I was doing and how I was going to get there.

They say it isn’t what you know but who… And I suppose that is true, except I am not just looking at her company to publish – I am looking at all of them. I expect to be refused at least 15 times for the book or the dissertation. So I suppose I am the eternal optimist and when I am fifty my aspirations will still be the same.

Although realistically I would just like to pay the bills and go on holiday once a year. 🙂

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