I had to write one of our weekly stories, but as I started down my normal ideas route I found that I was getting closer and closer to personal issues. I found that I was basing it almost entirely on my own experience. Now I don’t normally talk about the area it took me to and I had to abandon the story. It was too painful, too personal. I understand that writing can be therapeutic but I felt that I was dredging up bad memories rather than working through them.
But I do realise that I ought to write about them. That it ought to be something that I do because it was so distressing. But do I write them into a story as I was doing or do I write a memoir?
I’m not big on reading memoirs, unless it is a survival story and mine would be an exploration. Instead I find myself wanting to write something that I know I may never get published. I’m not sure I would want it published. I feel that I am at a stepping stone. If I do start this story or memoir then I could find myself looking at parts of mine and my family’s life I don’t normally explore; the part of me I keep locked behind a very thick door in my mind.
I have to write it but at the moment I am too scared. So the story will sit in the bottom drawer of the desk and wait until I have built up enough gumption to put pen to paper.